This time
around, I want to write about one of my favorite games in recent memory, and a strong contender to be included on my Top-10-Games-of-All-Time list, Dark
Souls. I’ve got a few ideas for Dark Souls related topics I want to write about at some point, but
I think I’ll start with a fairly straightforward one: the most annoying enemies in the game. It seems like everyone and their grandma has done
a list about their favorite and least favorite bosses, but similar lists of
regular enemies seem to be at least a little bit less common. I chose the enemies to include on this list based on how difficult they are to deal with and how rage-inducing they can be. In the end, all of the entries scored pretty high on both accounts.
5. Skeleton Dogs
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Image taken from <http://www.nuk3.com/gallery/
images/comedy/full/108.jpg> |
Tomb of the
Giants seems to generally be regarded as everyone’s least favorite area in the
game. There are two main reasons for this: The first one is that the place is
practically pitch black,
and hence requires the player to use a source of external light. Unfortunately,
there are only three options available in the game – a Cast Light sorcery for the magically
inclined, a lantern that takes the place of your shield, or a special illuminating
headpiece that you need to find first. Needless to say, the darkness can pose a
challenge for the unprepared. The second reasons are the Skeleton Dogs that
lurk in the darkness, and let me tell you, the weird panting sound they make while laying in ambush is deeply disturbing. They are huge, deal tons of damage, attack in erratic
patterns and have a lot of health. A royal pain in the backside, in short. On
the upside, I have to say that their design is quite memorable. Maybe that will
provide some small comfort when they maul you to pieces in the impenetrable
darkness that is Tomb of the Giants, where no one can hear you scream.
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Nice doggy... |
4. New
Londo Ghosts
I think New
Londo Ruins is a pretty cool location; it has interesting (and tragic) lore
behind it, a unique progression mechanic where the area is initially flooded and you have to find a way to drain the water to access the lower levels, an unexpected
“shortcut” to Valley of the Drakes, and a cool boss fight at the end. New Londo
Ruins is also one of my least favorite areas in the game. Why, you may ask.
Because of these goddamn ghosts, that’s why. They are a unique enemy because
they cannot be attacked normally: in order to kill them, you have to either be
cursed (and being cursed halves your total HP, so this isn’t a very viable
strategy), use a special consumable which allows you to temporary attack them,
or use one of the three cursed weapons in the game (which can be a pain in the
ass to acquire, depending on your luck). But believe it or not, the minor challenge
of not being able to attack them without taking precautions is actually the least of
your worries when dealing with these spectral rump ravagers. Due to the fact
that they are ghosts, they can move freely through walls, floors, and ceilings,
or stay hidden inside them and attack from there without you being able to
retaliate. As if all of that wasn’t enough, they also have a tendency to hang
out in these ghastly ghost posses and gang up on you, should you venture too close. Oh, and did I mention that when
you do manage to kill them, you get hardly any souls for your troubles? Gee,
thanks From Software! So, all in all, fuck these ghosts and fuck Spooky Londo
Ruins.
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2spooky4me – somebody call the damn Ghostbusters |
3. Blowdart
Snipers
These asshats
really make me scratch my head. When you think about it, a lot of enemies in
Dark Souls teach you something about the game. For example, Silver Knights
teach you that parrying is king, and the Slimes in the Depths teach you that some
enemies are vulnerable to certain types of damage (case in point, they are weak to
fire). I’m not really sure what the Snipers teach you. They generally start
shooting toxic darts at you before you even see them (and the darts are also
difficult to see), so on your first playthrough, you’re simply going to get hit
without even realizing what happened at first. The toxic darts, as the name
implies, inflict a toxic status effect, which is essentially poison on steroids. Basically, if you get hit by the darts and become toxic, it’s game
over man, game over, unless you, for some inconceivable reason, happen to have
a stock of Blooming Purple Moss Clumps at hand. Maybe they were supposed to teach that you shouldn't just hang back and play passive all the time, but rather close the distance and get the job done. What they ended up teaching me, however, is to just do suicide runs to kill them, since they are one of the few enemies in the game that do not respawn. I’m not entirely sure if that’s
what the developers intended. Anyways, they certainly deserve their spot on this list.
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What's not the like about Blighttown? |
2.
Bonewheel Skeletons
The upsides
of Bonewheels:
- They are
only found in two places in the game.
- There
are no more upsides.
These are
truly some of the most terrifying enemies in the game. Not only do they inhibit
some of the darkest and most claustrophobic places there are in Lordran, they,
like the New Londo Ghosts, like to hang out in deadly posses. These are
probably even worse, though. It’s like they’re some morbid and twisted version
of biker gang thugs, pulled out straight from the depths of Seven Hells. As
everyone who has played Dark Souls knows, what makes Bonewheels iconic is their
deadly rolling attack where they zoom at you at the speed of a fighter jet – bless the poor soul who gets hit by them. If you do get hit by the rolling attack,
chances are pretty good you’re dead. If, instead, you get hit but manage to block, enjoy
all of your stamina being drained in a couple of seconds, unless you happen to
use a greatshield. During my first playthrough, my body became conditioned to
clench my butt cheeks real tight whenever I heard the unmistakable sound of
these wheels of death revving up and zooming towards me.
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They see me rollin', they hatin'. |
1. Giant Mosquitos
These are
definitely the least dangerous enemies on this list, but they are also by far the
most annoying. The first of their quirks is that they spawn endlessly
and hunt you down almost everywhere you are in lower Blighttown; you just can’t get away from them. Oh, and did I mention
how they sound precisely as annoying as real mosquitoes do?
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ – oh, sorry, what was that? I couldn’t
quite hear you over the sound of my BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. The worst
part about them, though, is that they fly (no shit, mosquitoes fly?). The thing
is, Dark Souls’ lock-on system apparently was not created with flying enemies
in mind, and as a result, the mosquitoes are often impossible to hit with a melee
weapon. Then again, maybe that was a conscious design choice to emulate how
swatting real-life mosquitoes is an exercise in frustration? Damn, From Software, such
immersion, much wow! As a side note, I have to point out that two of these five enemies dwell in everyone’s favorite town in Lordran, Blighttown (more like Delighttown, amirite?). No wonder people always just skip it.
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BZZZZZZZZZZZZZ |
Honorary
Mention
An honorary
mention goes out to the Basilisks.
While they pose little challenge for an experienced adventurer, they can
thoroughly devastate an unsuspecting victim. They are made even more dangerous
by their relatively unthreatening appearance – I’ve even seen some people
describe them as being cute! Personally, though, I have to question those people’s
sanity – just look at those freakishly large, bulgy eyes. These bastards always give me the heebie jeebies... The reason these frog-like fiends made this list is, naturally, their
ability to blow out a cloud of miasma that kills and renders the victim cursed,
should he or she stay in the cloud for too long.
In my first
playthrough, I stumbled on one of the pitfalls in the Depths, which drops you
down to the basilisk-infested sewers. I promptly got gang raped by a mob of these
and turned into a pretty statue, catching a curse for my troubles. So, I had to
backtrack to the Female Undead Merchant in the Lower Undead Burg to buy a
Purging Stone for a whopping 4000 souls (it felt like a fortune back then) to
cure the condition. I was then able to return to the Depths, where I
immediately fell down into a different pitfall, and got molested and cursed.
Again. Back to the merchant with me. At least I didn’t fall down a third time, but the
experience scarred me for life. I no longer go down to the sewers.
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Watch out for those fumes |
And there you have it; a list of the five enemies in Dark Souls that caused me the most anal anguish during my first playthrough. Next time, I’ll turn the tables around and list my five favorite enemies in Dark Souls.
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